These Fleeting Moments
by tearsofbreakingglass
Summary: A companion piece to chapter 3 of 'Business and Pleasure', but not required reading. After another decleration of his love, Gilbert questions why Erzsébet won't respond - positively or negatively - towards it. An examination of the revelation and Gilbert's mental state directly afterwards, putting in context his strange behavior as he left home for Berlin.


"God, you are a marvel."

Gilbert took a step back and admired the woman before him. His eyes traced down Erzsébet's body, taking special care to linger over her exposed breasts and lips. He knelt back down and kissed her, desire filling every ounce of his body. She tugged as his waistband, pulling him down deeper. They rolled and she was straddling him. Erzsébet smiled, running a cool hand down his chest and sending a shiver down his spine. "Make me feel like a woman."

Hunger, pure hunger. Hands roaming free, lips kissing and grabbing at any exposed skin they could find. What few clothes remained dropped to the floor. She wrapped her legs around him and in slid one, two, three fingers. The other teasing her nipples, pinching at them just enough to blur the line between pleasure and pain. Kissing her neck, Erzsébet's breathing was hot and heavy against his cheek.

"Ah, c'mon you know what I really want," she pleaded, her voice barely a whimper. Smirking, he placed her vertically on the bed and began crawling over to her. Resplendent bliss, how soon they would find it. A noise from just outside the room reverberated. Erzsébet leaned up. "What was that?" There was an edge of frustration on her voice due to such a rude interruption.

The Prussian bent down and gave her a kiss, one more tender than she expected. "Nothing, but I'll check if the door's locked." The bed groaned as his weight was removed. He licked the residue of her off his fingers. A glint of violet in the dark. Of course _he _would want to check out the action. Gilbert winked a Roderich as he locked the door. A thud against it and the ringing silence afterwards. Gilbert's hunger grew. "Are you still ready for me?" He didn't have to ask twice, the lust in Erzsébet's eyes all the answer he needed. No more interruptions for the rest of the night.

Erzsébet's head sat on Gilbert's chest while his fingers played with the ends of her hair. Never had they both been so satisfied. He wrapped a strand of hair around his fist and kissed it. "You realize you're the most perfect woman in the world, right? If Helena of Troy ever met you, she would be jealous."

The Hungarian rolled her eyes. He was always so affectionate afterwards. And before. Really, whenever the two of them were together. "I may have been told that a time or two. I have an admirer who always feels the need to remind me." She tilted her head up to look at him properly. "You wouldn't happen to know who he is, would you? I have to tell him that I'm afraid he may run out of metaphors soon."

Gilbert kissed her softly. "No idea, but if I ever find him, I'll let him know."

Peaceable silence passed between them. Neither of them could deny how wonderful this, all of it, felt. Nor did they really care about whatever toll it may incur for them to continue having these dalliances. It was worth it to have a little slice of time where they could imagine if things were different and pretend that they were meeting under darkness out of choice, not for practicality. Erzsébet lifted a hand up and rubbed Gilbert's cheek affectionately. He couldn't resist leaning into her touch.

He watched them through the mirror above the vanity. How comfortable, how familiar. He relished when they could spend time like this afterwards, once the lust had subsided and it was only them. His mind slipped to the fantasies it always did in these times - worlds where they were humans and allowed to fall in love with no repercussions; worlds where he had married her instead, their households in Budapest and Berlin filled with joy and love that never waned. His heart tugged and he pulled her closer to him, never wanting to let go. "I love you, Erzsi." Whenever he spoke those words, he couldn't stop the awe from seeping into his voice. How could it not when she provoked such certainties within him?

"I know," her voice a whisper. She gazed at them in the mirror and her heart throbbed. She felt the same happiness as him, but feared what power those words may hold. If they were acknowledged, what would that mean for them? How would that change her situation? They could love and love deeply, but the next day she would always wake up in Vienna. Violet eyes would be the first she'd see, not red, so what could love give her? What could love do but bring more pain?

Gilbert frowned. "If you don't feel the same way, you can tell me. I'm capable of handling my emotions."

She bit her lip. Since 1786, his first confession, she'd tried so hard to avoid this conversation. "You know that's not the case." Not tonight, please not tonight. The two of them had spent three lovely nights together. Erzsébet was unwilling to end the week on a bad note.

"Then what's the case?" All he wanted was understanding. Then maybe it wouldn't feel like he was enamored with a statue.

"It's complicated, Gil."

Gilbert let out a deep breath through his nose, trying to ease his frustration. "This has been complicated, we are complicated!" He kissed her forehead. "I can handle complicated. All I want to know is where we stand, even if it can't be neatly placed."

"It can't be a matter of who I do or don't love. You're free to do whatever you want, be with whoever you please, and feel however you're inclined." She waved a hand around in front of them. "_This _is my situation. The lives of my people and I are limited by whatever they-" she pointed out the door, indicating Austria and his government, "-are content to allow me to do. Who cares if I love you? What happy ending will it get us? In a position like this, I can only feel safe in loving myself and even _that _is difficult at times." Erzsébet sighed. "Anything I find joy in is stripped away from me. My freedom, my ability to decide for myself what I would do no matter what I was told was befitting a woman, was deeply prized to me. I missed it when Sadiq took it, I miss it while Roderich holds it. I'm afraid to let my heart decide for herself what she wants. Who's to say the next up-start empire won't steal that from me?"

Subconsciously, Gilbert held her tighter. He didn't know what else to do. What was there for him to do? He could empathize before he became - well, _Prussia_, when he was still being tugged around by the power politics of the Holy Roman Empire, kicked around from power-to-power to do their bidding. Still, it never felt as personal as this. He had always been allowed to choose for himself, even if he was strongly advised on the consequences. He had never been ruled over so tightly.

"Why confess anything when it won't help you?" She was whispering now. "If I love you, will I wake up tomorrow in Berlin or Budapest, seen as an equal to all? Will it not bring about more pain and suffering for me or my people?" She shook her head. "My heart originally led me to this bed, believing pretty promises with no follow through. My heart is a fool, I cannot afford to listen to her again. Until I, as Hungary, can stand alone and have that be recognized by others than my heart belongs to me."

Somberness fell over the room. They sat, still, Erzsébet realizing the size of her confession and Gilbert lacking the words to adequately respond. "I-" Gilbert stuttered. He wanted to say the right thing, be the right person to help her.

"Whatever you're going to say, don't." There was no malice in her words, only acceptance. "None of this is your fault. It's how things are for now. I'll make it through. I've always had a knack for surviving." She wanted to promise what would come after, when surviving turned to living. She could feel it on her lips, but feared if she spoke it then it would be destroyed by her want.

Gilbert began to rise from the bed. "Maybe it would be better if I slept in my room." He started to retrieve his clothes.

"Don't." Her desperation surprised them both. She reached out to him. "My heart belongs to me, but that doesn't mean I can't hear it. Stay here, please. We haven't fallen asleep together in years."

Such a simple request. How could he deny it? He climbed back in, kissing her so sweetly as devotion filled his being. "Anything for you." It was more wish than promise.

The morning passed by in a leisurely way. Waking up besides Erzsébet, not minding the taste of her morning breath through sleepy kisses, watching her bustling around to prepare herself for the day ahead? What a dream. That morning he would've died to take Roderich's place.

Eventually it was time to leave. Well-rested, he began loading up his carriage and prattling on about nothing with his driver. Prussia always enjoyed talking with the common people. It was refreshing, their candor towards the state of their nations and constant grumblings about the price of things. The one constant through the centuries.

It was in this good mood that Austria caught him. "Excuse me, Gilbert, may I have a moment?" He nodded his head at the driver. "_Alone._"

Gilbert dismissed the man and, despite the fury in Roderich's eyes, couldn't stop himself from grinning ear-to-ear. "Thank you for being such a gracious host. I might have had the best sleep of my life last night. Your mattress is fantastic."

A blitz of pain. Gilbert clutched his cheek, processing the sound of the smack that rang through the air. All good-humor fell away, outrage quickly replacing it. "You little bitch. I bet you slap her around like that."

"Violence is the only thing you respond to. If I want to be understood by a beast, I have to speak like one. Your stupidity makes you brave, I can commend that at times. It also makes you reckless and insolent. If I catch you disrespecting me in such a way as last night, I will ruin you."

Gilbert huffed. "To be afraid of you would be like being afraid of a kitten, don't waste my time." He returned his attention back to his luggage. "You're not mad about anything I may or may not be doing with Erzsi. Stop pretending like she has any meaning to you. You resent what refuses to bend to your will like any other obstinate little prince." He turned back around, eyes like fire and full of glowing hatred. "You may own her hand, but you can never own her heart."

"Neither will you."

Gilbert winced. The memory of their conversation ran through his mind in living color. The defeat and longing in her eyes. It all felt so real, so raw. He stared at Roderich and desperately wanted to hate him in that moment, to make him understand what he was doing. All of that fell away upon looking at him. What was he, what were they all, beyond puppets of their monarch's designs? Roderich no more decided to the fate of Hungary just as he didn't decide to invade Silesia. Sure, they could give their opinions on matters, but at the end of the day it always went to the real players. They were merely the vessel. He couldn't bring himself to hate his fellow shell. Not right now.

He looked down and sighed. That didn't mean none of this hurt. "So I've heard." He looked back at the house, longing filling his soul. He could imagine him playing a knight and whisking Erzsébet away, laughing while they left Roderich in the dust. He could never have that, but he could have last night and all the little moments like that they'd collected all these years. In the end, wouldn't all those memories add up to a life for the two of them? Maybe one where they could fall asleep at night and not have to live fearing tomorrow. "But what I've got is more than you. That's the only prize that matters, right? What would we be without chasing such an elusive goal?"

"Happier," Austria spoke, as if reading Prussia's mind. They shared their surprise, faint smiles passed between the two.

"Maybe. We might have to try that someday. But for now, why not keep doing what we're doing? We've forgotten how to do everything else." He opened his mouth, a taunt on his lips, wanting to leave on their usual terms. Gilbert's heart was too heavy to fake bravado, to pretend that everything would be alright if he only he defeated Austria today. He looked up at the clouds, praying silently for assistance he didn't believe in, before meeting Roderich's gaze. "This is a meaningless existence. Tell her I'll miss her." Gilbert climbed into his carriage, feeling as if he'd left an important part of him in Vienna.


End file.
